So, I just got pooped on by a bird, twice. Or maybe I got pooped on once by two different birds. Immaterial. I have a distinct plop of poo in my hair, and one on the back of my shirt. I have three things to say about this.
1. "What are the odds you'll get pooped on again?" This from my friend with whom I have sought shady respite beneath a nice tree, so after the first plop, we stay put. Under a nice, bird-filled tree. In a nice, bird-filled area of the park. I thought we were being smart by trying to avoid the goose-landmines closer to the water. So, what are the odds, and why does this phrase, or it's meaning, only apply to crappy things? No one ever says, "Hey, you've won the lottery - what are the odds it'll happen again?" Probably that person won't win another jackpot. But when it's hey, you've missed being killed by a falling coconut once - what are the odds another one will fall on you? Well, lemme tell you, don't sit under a coconut tree. Or one filled with birds.
2. "Oh, that's supposed to be lucky!" This from the woman sitting smartly just beyond the shade of the tree, hence out of poop range. So I am lucky two times over! Hurrah! I hope her kids didn't hear the string of expletives I issue forth after the second incident. Actually, I don't care. It serves her right for espousing such ridiculousness in the first place. People said this about it raining on my wedding day, on which I also call bullshit.
3. I need to go wash my hair.